I went shopping for warm clothes as the Fall came in and the cold is about to hit the city. So I went to the mall which I have not done for a very long time. I usually buy consciously. When I give out money for something I make sure that I will use that product at least a hundred times. I rarely buy clothes for that matter. This time I did.  The consuming was real.  Nothing has changed since March or April (whatever), really. I saw the same faces in the mall circuling around the stores, holding hand with people they barely even knew because the focus was on…

As a teenager I remember being afraid of arguments and debates. I often just ran away or left the place in a hurry where there was a heated conversation.  I have no idea when my attitude changed towards that. I think that the older I became the more I turned to be the person who creates the conflict or faces it instantly. It took me about ten years to realize why I need conflicts and why it is a must to have quarrels in life.  I just really need it. In the past couple of years I realized that in order to face the truth you need to get it…

I was sitting in the office and it was about almost lunchtime when the epiphany came hit me like lightning.  There are only a few people who come back to the office. Ninety-five percent of the employees work from home. And since it is summer time, many of them are currently spending their vacation in Croatia or at Balaton which is cliché, really.  I have never had a summer vacation or a vacation at all. I remember we never had the money to go on a proper trip or something during the summer. Sometimes we barely even had money for food which made life seem more unfair to us. I…

I almost started crying when I saw those players on the ground. They were not even basketball players. They were running after a ball but still. I try to erase every single piece, every fragment of that day and the next couple afterwards. No, I should erase whole months afterwards.  It was love at first sight. At least, it was for me. I was all alone in it, I guess. I will never forget that day. I was nervous and it started in the morning. My heart was pounding in my throat and I was squeezing an envelope in my hands. I wrote a letter – a love letter to…

It is intense how July has passed. I know there are still a couple of days left but this month went by extremely fast.  I remenisce about how everything fell apart since I left home. I mean for them, not for me. Home was a completely desolated, isolated and abandoned place. “Home” – I often said in huge quotation marks. It is scary what a couple of years do to people. Not in a good way unfortunately. As far as I see the people eat each other up alive which scares me. It’s no surprise I like being alone and thinking much rather than being with human beings.  What I…

When I take a walk I often envision that someone runs after me with a white rose and tells me that my smile is the most beautiful he had ever seen and he wants to talk to me about what I think about our existence in this world.  I know, it’s delirious.  I cannot help myself, really. Maybe it is because I was brought up on Walt Disney, I don’t know. I had a whole bookcase with Walt Disney books and I remember reading them all over and over again, believing in that magic, in that true love that lasts forever. I never gave up that dream I had when…

I have met A. during a job interview I had with her. She was the manager of this high-fashion luxury brand shop which was advertised on the local television and on elite levels. I really did not think about anything fishy. Not until I started working there. It was very weird that the shop was always looking for an assistant. There were no stable people working there which I found curious.  Then I started working there. Politicians and hyped television characters appeared to buy clothes which were overpriced but cheap in fabric. A. was always boasting about how the fabrics are high quality stuff and every single dress is made…

A few of us are back at the office during this hysteria. It was much worse a couple of months ago. I hope that the people will wake up gradually.  It was very calm actually. I had my hot chocolate and I sat by the waterfall for half an hour. I felt grateful. I love the place. And the morning temperature was very mild and friendly as well. In the afternoon it became scorching though.  It is so sad to see the people on the streets. The people I passed by today. I did not see a face that was happy or satisfied. Everybody was carrying their own baggage. Very…

I often take long walks. Helps me to find inspiracion, relax and clear my mind. It is hard sometimes to perceive, to feel instead of just seeing. As far as I am concerned the people who pass beside me on the streets don’t necessary feel just see. Physically see. I don’t like living in a world so material like this. I never have but as the years pass by I feel less and less comfortable. I don’t really like to see what I am seeing on a daily basis in Budapest. Since the restrictions and the decisions made by the rulers, more and more people end up on the streets.…