Back to the Start

I went shopping for warm clothes as the Fall came in and the cold is about to hit the city. So I went to the mall which I have not done for a very long time. I usually buy consciously. When I give out money for something I make sure that I will use that product at least a hundred times. I rarely buy clothes for that matter. This time I did. 

The consuming was real. 

Nothing has changed since March or April (whatever), really. I saw the same faces in the mall circuling around the stores, holding hand with people they barely even knew because the focus was on the materialistic things. Nothing has changed. Nothing. I saw the same eyes filled with unhappiness, jealousy, envy, rage, poverty, deprivation, loneliness, sadness and emptiness. Although a face mask is needed to be worn during shopping, I did not need to see the faces. The eyes were telltale enough. The movements said everything. The little momentums told all. And that was only on the corridor of the mall. 

In one of the clothes stores I saw a women in her forties browsing clothes on a spinning shirts on a rack. I saw her eyes devouring the fabrics, the colors, the materials and  the shapes. I could see her screaming “I want more. Give me more. I want more and more and more and more. Give me gimme gimme more! I wanna buy! I wanna consume! I want to be fancy! I want this and I want that and I want it all! It is never enough. Never!” She was so obsessed she almomst span the rack onto me and had absolutely no sense she might hurt anyone. It was all about the consuming. The runaway. The escape tunnel into consuming. 

The consumer was consuming the consumable. One might think. But in reality the consumable consumes the consumer. It is just too late when it is noticed and realized.

(I don’t agree with this. There is a line!”)

I felt uncomfortable. At the rack advertised by a big SALE sign, there was a girl I might think from India. It was really strange watching her putting different kind of garments onto her shoulder. And as her friend approached her the following conversation took place.

You need all that?
I donno. But I have to buy it.
You’re gonna wear that at all?
I donno. I don’t care.

I rarely read pieces on anything these days but for some reason I came accross one on Lana Del Rey. I have to say. I agree with her. She said:

I think there’s been existential panic for a long time but people haven’t been paying attention to it because they’ve been too busy buying shoes. And shoes are cute. I love shoes. But now that you can’t go shopping, you have to look at your partner and be like, ‘I’ve lived with you for 20 years, but do I even know you?

You realise maybe you’ve only ever allowed yourself to scratch the surface of yourself because if you went any deeper, you might have a mild meltdown for no reason, just out of the blue, and no amount of talking could explain why.

                                                                                                                        (source link)

People are running away. From themselves, from their problems, from their fears and from almost everything.. and into cunsumption. It’s the easiest way to run. 

It feels like nothing has changed. I still see those empty eyes, those empty touches and empty conversations just like before the whole thing broke out. I have turned off the news. I do not read anything and I feel amazing. I have absolutely no idea what is going on in the world and I do not necessarily need to know it. A spiritual healer said in late August that if you turn off the news and seperate yourself from all sorts of medium, then you will live this period (Sept till Jan) as a wonderful time. Hell, she was right. Nature is beautiful. The sky is beautiful. The sound of the rain is beautiful. The chilling cold is beautiful. There is so much beauty. You just have to know what to turn off and what to turn on!