Players

I almost started crying when I saw those players on the ground. They were not even basketball players. They were running after a ball but still. I try to erase every single piece, every fragment of that day and the next couple afterwards. No, I should erase whole months afterwards. 

It was love at first sight. At least, it was for me. I was all alone in it, I guess. I will never forget that day. I was nervous and it started in the morning. My heart was pounding in my throat and I was squeezing an envelope in my hands. I wrote a letter – a love letter to him – the night before. It was six or seven pages long. It was very very long and very passionate. I poured my heart and my soul into those words. Every line was filled with deep emotions. I gave myself out completely. I was ready to fall. I gave everything up and I lost. If I could, I wouldn’t change a thing. 

The morning was beautiful. A bit dewy but very fresh. I thought that it was going to be the happiest day of my life, instead it was the catalizator of my ultimate departure. 

So, the letter was in my bag before it was in my hands. We made eye contact before that for weeks. Said hellos and smiled at one another. I did not even need that because I saw him and fell in love instantly. What a fool I was. An enormous fool. 

Tall and handsome. A player. In every way. I was waiting for him to shop up on the corridoor of the university. And eventually he did. He entered the gym where he usually had his physical practice and I waited six hours for him. Six. Whole. Hours. I will never forget that. I will never ever forget that. It still lingers in my memories like it was yesterday. Will I ever get over it? Years have passed since then. I believe he does not even remember me by now. I am so pathetic. 

I was just waiting. And then he appeared. I asked him over so I could separate him from his friends. He came up to me and then I asked him whether he would help me with something. He was very kind. Had a warm and manly voice.

‘How can I help yo?’ he asked.

‘Read this.’ I replied and gave him the letter. 

He promised to read it. In enclosed my telephone number. I was waiting for days but he did not reply until a response came saying that he is not interested. He thanked the nice words I wrote about him but he was not into me. I felt disappointed but in the meantime I did not understand. What about those sings? Did I really misread them or what? Am I that crazy and just read more into it? That cannot be. So we fought. He told me nasty things. Shallow things. I clapped back and then the quarrel was over. 

I was crying for weeks. I was down for months. And I have had enough of the heartbreak. I wanted out. After that we still looked into each other’s eyes on the corridoors whenever we saw each other and I still did not understand why. Everytime the long eye contact ended between the two of us I seperated myself from the crowd and started crying somewhere nobody saw me. I just did not understand. If you do not feel anything then why keeping the eye contact all the time. 

Whatever. 

I packed my clothes and left my hometown as the semester ended a couple of months after the incident above. 

I still think about it. I still think about even though I don’t want to. It’s not healthy. Years passed. I’m still here. Remeniscing about foolish things that broke my heart. Remeniscing about people who do not deserve to be reminisced about.