20 July, 2020

A few of us are back at the office during this hysteria. It was much worse a couple of months ago. I hope that the people will wake up gradually. 

It was very calm actually. I had my hot chocolate and I sat by the waterfall for half an hour. I felt grateful. I love the place. And the morning temperature was very mild and friendly as well. In the afternoon it became scorching though. 

It is so sad to see the people on the streets. The people I passed by today. I did not see a face that was happy or satisfied. Everybody was carrying their own baggage. Very heavy baggages. The frustration, the poorness, the sadness, the anger, the disappointment, the helplessness… And nobody seems to care. The people literally lost contact with solidarity and compassion. 

Sometimes I am scared to walk through these streets filled with poverty inside and out because what I feel takes me so deep down I cannot find a way to ease my perceptions. The projections I have in my mind about what is going on is just very mournful. I do not like what is going on in here and the worst is that I cannot help or at least I have no idea how to because I lost connection with everybody, and not just physically. Mostly not physically. 

…

So many times a reminisce about him.
I gave him a six or seven pages long love letter. I was doing my Bachelor’s at the university. He was the most beatiful man I have ever seen. It was love at first sight. I took the long shot. It was worth it. 
Even though he rejected me he was watching me. Our eyes met. Our eyes had met before I took the steps. I feel far away still I want to relive the pain I wished away when I was there. I will never forget. I was waiting for him about eight hours just to catch him leaving the gymnasium after his training. I did. I gave up everything for true love. And I would do the same. 
I often think about how ludacris I am because I am sure he never thinks about me. Never. It was almost three years ago. I meant nothing. 

Ludacris.